ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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