Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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