And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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