shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize