Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
