Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
