..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I would fuck him just for his dog
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
