after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
In other news, I just burned my penis
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
