I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
