don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
