you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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