I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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