Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
