What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
