I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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