walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
