I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
