i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
