you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
