great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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