i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Randomize
