I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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