she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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