There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
