carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
