So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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