all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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