Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i drank out of a bidet.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
