I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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