At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
