I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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