You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
