Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
