Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
farters have to be the big spoon...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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