Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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