I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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