I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
