I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
