Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
