She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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