dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
