Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize