I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
