Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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