Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
