Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
