How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
