tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
either way he was missing a nipple.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
