I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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