he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
