Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
