My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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