I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she peed on how many people?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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