He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
