Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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