Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
and you fell through a lawn chair
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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