A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Bring me that man meat
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
