Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
