After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
