Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
