If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
