great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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