If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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