I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
