His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
