Got a toothbrush?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
