people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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