she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
