Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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