that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
