In the future we'll all be gay
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
