Yo dont text me then not text me
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
