The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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