You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
