just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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