I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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