I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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