Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This is my gift to your gina
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
