lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
