4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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